Life is better.

I've learned recently that one should always reach for what they want and create their own happiness, because it doesn't always come as easily as people might hope.

It is late, and I keep telling myself that I need to reset my sleeping schedule, due to college starting back up soon, but my body just doesn't want to sleep. I suppose it's mostly my mind; the thoughts racing and scenarios of the following day's events unfolding, as if I can change what happens by seeing every possible path beforehand. Am I the only one with this problem? I've been looking to the future a lot these past couple of months. I look at every possible outcome before I act on an urge or an impulse, which then causes me not to act at all from fear of certain outcomes, because I always make the negative endings outweigh the positive endings. What I didn't realize was all of the negative possibilities make the positive outcome so much sweeter in the end.

That's my mini-rant that, until going through and proofreading the post, I didn't realize was so short. Explanations shall come in the following days. For now...LIFE IS BETTER, because I reached and brought about my own happiness.

Content.

I wanted to put up another post, but I wasn't sure what to talk about this time around. I usually go on and on about the drama in my life, but there hasn't been any lately. And for that, I'm thankful, but it makes for a lack of intriguing blog posts. I could always bitch about my friends and their lives, but there are some that I know read this blog and, while I wouldn't mind saying it to their face, I'm not going to put it out into the open and if you're questioning whether or not I am talking about YOU, I probably am.

My life, while being undramatic, is quite uneventful for the time being. Maybe that's what makes it so calm and peaceful. Maybe the lack of events makes for a less drama-filled life, if that makes any sense at all. I'm spending all my time away from my home and in somebody else's, because I still long that change of environment; something new in my life. I don't like putting forth the effort for a change, so I welcome the fact that I can drive ten minutes and be in somebody else's life and out of my own.

It may sound like I'm being a downer again, as I have been in previous posts, but that really isn't the case. I'm not extremely happy, but I'm not depressed either.

I'm CONTENT.

The end of days.

Welcome to the eleventh post. It feels like I've been posting a lot longer than that. Everything is working out now. I had to reach my low-point in order to rise above everything else. I'm hanging with my old "crew" again, and it's an amazing escape.

Now some insight into my life. I realized recently, a couple of minutes ago actually, that when you grow up privileged like I did, it is very easy to get bored with life. I have everything, get to do anything, so where's the excitement? That's why I try to leave the house as much as I can and go to my friend's apartment lately. It's a much welcomed change in scenery. Now that school is out for the month, with the exception of a final in College Trigonometry this next Wednesday, I really need to find other things to do. The babysitting gig I had going for a while is being put off another month, so we'll see what happens when January comes around. I'm actually doing good without a steady source of income, which is really surprising. I'm discovering what my "wants" are and what my "needs" are. Once you figure that out, you will find that money doesn't become much of a problem.

And I moved up the wait list for Psychology last night, which makes me happy. I really want to get into that class for Winter quarter, but if I don't, it won't be the end of the world.

P.S. Yes. It will be. THE END OF DAYS shall be upon us if I don't get what I want!

Help.

Life hit hard and the shit hit the fan. I survived the storm and now the sun is out. The aftermath will still be there tomorrow, but I'm making the most of it.

I'm a person of habit. It took a recent experience to get me to realize what I am.

I am a chameleon. I shape myself to be what other people want, and I've accepted it for so long that I can't even see the real me anymore. I am a different person to everyone around me. The son that keeps to himself and doesn't get in the way. The babysitter that cares deeply for your children and wants nothing more than to help you out. The friend that always wants to HELP you with your problems when he can't even solve his own. I don't feel like myself lately. I think I see what other people need and I act on it, and I'm not always right.

I'm craving attention I never sought out before. My life is SUPPOSED TO BE SIMPLE. Go to school. Get a job. I am going to school, but I don't have time because I'm trying to help these kids out because their father selfishly left them and I feel like it's falling on me to be there. Which means I can't get a job, because these kids SHOULD come first. I SHOULD come first. What about me? My life isn't my own. I live for other people and never for myself these days. It's ruining me. I don't know where I'm going with this. It's four in the morning and I'm rambling. Here's what I DO know.

A friend asked me what I wanted the other day. And at first, I didn't want to admit it, but I want to move out and have a fresh start. I wish I could cut all ties to the past and begin again. New. Living for MYSELF, but also for OTHERS at the same time.

Help.

Riding out the storm.

Life is moving forward and I'm not ready to go there yet, nor do I want to. I like the carefree life I used to have. I'm stressing over money. Since when did that happen? I used to throw it around like it was nothing. Now I'm checking my bank account every day to be sure that I have something. Things are changing, and not just financially.

My friends are changing. Those friends are hanging out with new people, as am I. We're drifting apart and I'm not doing anything to stop it. These things happen after high school, but nobody wants to admit it. You can try and keep in touch, but the reality of it is, the people you thought you knew way back when won't be the same people five years from now. I can't wait for my high school reunion, even if I did just graduate this past year. I want to see the change; to see what people have become.

I'm ranting and trying to think of something to say, but I can't put my thoughts to words right now. I wish I could restart knowing everything I knew now. I would know what was a waste of time and I could right my wrongs and I could change EVERYTHING. Even now, I'm wishing things could change in the present, but I don't know how.

Life is a storm.

I'll ride it out and see what happens.

Why can't life be like Netflix...?

I honestly don't know what to write about today. I think I want to spill about my life right now, and hopefully, down the line, I'll find something to branch out on. That's how this normally works anyway, right? Let's see... Where to start today...

I'm not babysitting for the next month. That means no money for me. That means I'm open to anything for money right now. (No. Not that. Get your mind straight...) I want to move out sometime around the start of the new year, but that can't happen if I don't have money to save up for rent. If you know me personally, and you know of a job opening somewhere, please, contact me.

The horoscopes are still haunting me. I'm posting them on my Facebook occasionally, but only if they make sense. I think horoscopes are a hoax, but I'm falling for them. They keep mentioning something I want, and how "now is the time to act." There's always going to be something someone wants, so of course this is going to seem like it's meant for me when, obviously, it isn't. It's a psychological thing...

I'm starting to think that what I want isn't important anymore. I'd rather keep what I have, than sacrifice it for something else. I shouldn't be greedy, right? Those that know, know. And those that don't may ask, but will be denied, because I have told all that can handle it.

Man, I'm all over the place today. Can I just say, Netflix is amazing. You can get what you want instantly, for a price. I wish my life was like that right now... I want so much, but I'm too lazy to go out and get it. Why can't it come to me?

Why can't life be like Netflix...?

Fate is a Fickle Thing

I've been looking into horoscopes lately and I'm finding that, at least for the past week, every horoscope I've received has been completely relevant to my life right now. I'm trying to keep them from controlling my life, but seeing as I'm purposely staying up until midnight just to see my horoscope updated on an application on my Droid Eris, I don't think I'm doing a very good job of that. Today, about to be yesterday seeing as midnight is simply a minute away, my horoscope mentioned a problem that I seem to be facing with someone right now and how I should keep my temper down and face the situation with a calm approach. I am butting heads with someone off and on at the moment, so I took it's advice.

Midnight.

I'm not going to say what this one said, mostly because it's true and more of a personal matter. But it's weirding me out. Is it simply a paragraph that my mind is trying to morph into something relevant to my own life, or is there something behind it? Surely not everybody born between July 23rd and August 22 are going through these same exact problems that I am...

Some people believe that our lives are out of our control, that everything is planned out, I refuse to believe that. I believe that we can mold our lives into anything we want them to be. However, we need to be willing to take the necessary risks to get to where we want to go.

Word of Advice
Don't be afraid to take risks, but think it through before you do.

I want to know what the readers think. If you've been brought to this page by my Facebook, or maybe even Twitter, please post a comment or reply there telling me your opinion on horoscopes, or maybe just fate in general.

One of my own...

Sorry for abandoning you, Blog. Life has be hectic lately. Where to begin...

I'm going to school now. Due to other previous schedule promises, I'm only taking one five-credit class this quarter. I hope to go full-time next quarter. I don't want to be in college forever. I barely want to be there now. I have class Monday through Thursday. And then I'm babysitting over in Milwaukie, Oregon Thursday through Monday. My responsibilities over there have grown so much once school started. I wake the kids up on Fridays and Mondays and I get them ready for school while their mom sleep. I feed them lunch and I feed them dinner. I practically live over at that house now. Which brings me to a topic I didn't plan on writing about in this blog entry. Now that I think about it, this is the reason I created this blog; to share the stories of people and their real lives. I've spoken of other people's sad "When Life Hits..." stories, and now it is time for one of my own. The tears are already starting...

On May 12th of this year, a man I am proud to have called a friend passed away. I had been watching his 8-year-old twins for the past few years. I've been in their lives since their first birthday, so that always looked up to me. One day, he asked me to watch his kids the following Thursday. I walked in that Thursday, surprised to find his wife there in his place. She was supposed to be at work. That's why I was needed. She didn't know I would be coming that day. The previous night, her husband, "my" kids father, and my friend lost his life down near Battleground Lake. I didn't discover that he had actually taken his own life until the memorial service a week later.

Sometimes I wonder if the night he asked me to come by that Thursday, he knew what he was about to do. Sometimes I feel that he had everything planned out. I was there that night for his wife. I cried with her. I looked at old pictures with her. I was there. I wonder if that's what he wanted when he asked me to come over. I hurts me to think that he planned this far ahead.

There were no warning signs. No depressed feelings from what I could see. He was getting out and about; going fishing and going to UFC matches, doing what he loved to do. He had a loving wife and loving kids. I don't see why he felt the need to leave us like that...

And now, every week, I travel half an hour to watch his kids, because his wife works at night, and therefore needs to sleep during the day. I feel like I have to do this. She has nobody else to turn to. These kids know me and listen to me. I can't just stop going over there. Yes, it pays, but it's interfering with my school work. I won't be able to keep this up forever.

I don't know what I'm going to do...

We'll see...

Money is becoming extremely tight lately. I use to watch kids in Milwaukie, Oregon for about $200 every weekend. I'm starting college on the 20th and the babysitting thing isn't going to work as well as it has been. I'm hanging up at Kahneeta Casino and Resort with a few friends this upcoming weekend, and when I get back, I'm going to get serious about finding a job. I have a few places in mind, but I'm not sure how they're going to work out.

We'll see...

*apologies*

-short post-

"Psychic."

This morning, I dropped my cousin, who is living with my family now, off at her church. On the way home after dropping her off, I counted (withing a 15 minute time period) six or seven squirrels in the road (dead, of course). It was a sad sight to behold. A couple of hours later, I sent a text to my cousin asking if she was ready to be picked up. She replied, telling me she had actually been in the middle of sending ME a text telling me that in fact, she was ready. I send one word as a response.

"Psychic."

After turning onto a back road in my neighborhood that would let me out onto the main road (117th Ave), I recalled the many, many squirrels from earlier. I thought to myself, "A squirrel's going to run out of this field to my right and I'm not going to be able to stop in time."

10 SECONDS LATER (maybe less than ten...)

A squirrel ran out of the field to my right and I wasn't able to stop in time.

Think again.

I was thinking I would update this blog more, but that obviously isn't happening at the moment. A little update on my life, I have decided that searching for a job this week wouldn't lead anywhere because I'm leaving next week for Florida. I don't want to get a call for an interview and be on the other side of the country. Maybe that's my way of procrastinating, but that's what I do.

I have my first story today. It is not a happy one. I'm not going to give any names, obviously. If you think you've got it bad, check this out.

A friend of mine does drugs and smokes weed. This friend has a girlfriend. This girlfriend is pregnant. This girlfriend STILL smokes weed, even with the baby. This girlfriend STILL does drugs, even with the baby. This girlfriend DOES NOT have a job. This friend DOES have a job (minimum wage). This girlfriend takes all of this friend's money and spends it on drugs and weed. This friend and his girlfriend are being evicted from their home due to lack of payments, which they would have if it weren't for their addictions. This friend steals food from his job in order to feed his girlfriend. This friend's dad, who has been in jail for some time, can only be released on parole if he stays with family. This friend is the only family he has in this area. This friend's dad cannot be around children. So this friend's baby (and by default, his girlfriend) would not be able to stay with him. He now has to choose between his father and his unborn child. This baby will not have a normal life.

If you think you've got it bad...

Think again.

Something Else

Along with stories that I've heard through the grapevine, I'm also going to be updating everybody on my own life, mostly on the "out in the real world for the first time" part of it.

I'm all set up for Clark College. I'll be taking a 5-credit College Trigonometry course, four days a week.

Tuition: $428.00
Fees: $33.75
Total: $461.75
Financial Aid: $0.00

So $461.75 for tuition and fees and that's just for one class. I really need to find a job. If anybody knows a place in The Couv that's hiring, please, let me know.

IN ADDITION, I had completely forgotten about books. The parents are helping me with those, thank god (not religious).

If you're going through anything related to this post, please feel free to share your story below. You CAN be anonymous! I forgot to mention this in the last/first post of this blog, but if you ever have a story to share, please do so!

...It Hits Hard.

The trickiest part of any project occurs in the beginning. I call it the how-do-we-start-this-thing-up stage. I suspect this project would start a little like this...

Hello.

My name is Aaron. I'm eighteen. That's all you need to know for now. Eighteen is the age (as hinted at in the title of this blog) 'when life hits.' Until recently, I lived my life without caring about the future. I never thought about college. Instead, I thought about how I was going to pass World Mythology. I never thought about getting a job. Instead, I thought about how boring and pointless my  Business Math appeared to be (least favorite class, not even sure what the correct name for it was).

I graduated this past June and a couple weeks later, "life hit." I needed to go to college. I needed money. I needed a job. I dealt with most of that. I'm enrolled in a community college and will be starting College Trig this September. I have money, thought most of it was spent during The Scorpions concert a week or so ago. I don't have a job, but I always say I'm going to apply somehwere, and I don't. So there's still that...

And then there's friends. Friends hold everything together. They keep you sane. They give you a reason to show up for school. Let's face it, if it weren't for our friends, most of us would skip out on school every chance we got. After graduation, everything changed in that department as well. As we all know, there are "friends" that we hang out with outside of school and then there are "friends" that we only see at school. After graduation, those "school-friends" are mostly gone, with the exception of sites like Facebook and Myspace and Twitter and the list goes on. That cuts your social interaction severely (at least it did for me, I'm not afraid to admit that). Then, soon enough, you realize that some of the "outside-friends" have changed. While some have changed for the better (got a job, living on their own, starting their life), others have changed for the worse (smoking pot, doing drugs, quitting school, lying to their friends, lying to you).

This blog has one purpose. I want to show what real life is. I want everybody to see what people go through. This blog will not be filled with my own life stories. That would be boring. This blog will be filled with the stories of other people (anonymous, of course). They will not necessarily be good stories, but they will be real, and I hope that is enough to spark your interest as a reader.

Most people that know me might not be surprised to hear the things I post on this blog; to hear the things I witness.

The others out there that think you know me will be surprised to hear about the people I call my friends, about the people I associate with and about the very real things that effect me everyday.

Then there are some people out there that have NO IDEA who I am, and that's okay. My name is Aaron and I'll be your tour guide for this little thing we like to call...

Life.

It's finally hitting...

...and it's hitting hard.